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The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: The Trials And Errors Of My Love Life

My love life is, for sure, a tragedy. It’s a combination of self sabotage, picking horribly, and bad timing. It’s a complete clusterfuck, and to be honest my love life has been nothing but a clusterfuck from my very first date. I thought it was something that would improve with time and age, and in a way it has, but definitely not too much.
        For the past six years I have been single. Yes. Six. Fucking. Years. Shoot me. I’m not even sure what happened and how time escaped me the way that it did. Somehow six years went by where I had not been intimate with a man. That seems absolutely insane. That’s something you hear and expect the end of the story to wind up with the girl becoming a nun. That is definitely not my story. My story involves hectic work schedules, over stressed, financial ruin, major setbacks, major bouts of depression, deaths in the family, more depression, blah, blah, blah. It was never ending. I barely had time for human contact because eve…

Lost In My Mind

What happens when your mind gets lost?
What happens when happy thoughts turn to sad?
Where does it stop?
When does it end?
My mind doesn’t pause.
Nor does it stop.
Thoughts that taunt me endlessly.
Convince me that I’m not good enough when I start to feel peace.
Tells me I’m not pretty enough when my confidence start to peak.
My own thoughts are my only enemies.
Steady somewhere between not good enough and barely getting by.
My mind stuck in a prison begging to be free.
Those little flickers of light bring hope.
Suddenly the clanging of the bars ring loud and clear.
So what happens when my mind gets lost?
My thoughts go dark.
What happens when happy goes to sad?
Hopelessness soon follows.
Where does it stop or end?
I don’t know.
I don’t think it ever does.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, Lost In My Mind 2017©

You Can't Take My Happily Ever After

The very thought of you had me playing Disney themed romance scenes in my mind.
Happily ever afters.
Turned into nothing but disasters.
You shed your Prince Charming role.
With it my trust you stole.
First had me feeling like a princess.
Now the shit you put me through is senseless.
Exaggerated feelings that never existed.
If only your actions could've been consistent.
Lust mistaken for love.
A false partnership I never dreamed of.
Lies upon lies.
From that I grew to despise.
Once upon a time you hand me in the palm of you hand.
Later to reveal you lack what it takes to be a man.
Sadly in my heart you still remain.
But I know that it's all in vain.
There are no fairy tales with you in the end.
I know now that it was all pretend.
My prince charming does exist.
He'll be genuine and your lies will not be missed.
I won't let you shake my belief in happily ever after.
One day I'll find that man that shows me I truly matter.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, You Can’t Take My Happily Ever After 2017©

Tragic Crush Tales: #10 Part Deux

When will I ever learn that some people are not meant to make a reentry into your life? I learned that again for the millionth time recently. Let’s recap on the first part of E’s shenanigans. He was a guy I met on social media at the end of 2015. He was in and out of my life until about August of 2016 when I realized the reason he was in and out of my life was because there was another woman. That’s pretty much the whole gist. He’d play victim and tried to blame me for his betrayal, but the conclusion of it at is that he was dishonest.
        We fast forward to about April of this year. I’m in the car and I get a text message. It wasn’t from a saved number, but it said “I’m in your neck of the woods.” Now I was kind of freaked out at first because who just randomly texts a stranger that? Then I noticed that I had previous texts from this number and realized it was E again. I never deleted his old messages, because I never get rid of receipts. Against better judgement I…

The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: But Where Is He?

I’m at an age where I want to find my forever mate. Honestly, I have been at that age for years now, but I guess it hasn’t been in the cards for me just yet. I have no time to invest in a person only to hit a dead end. I am not a finished product nor do I want my partner to be, but I do want a person who is willing to grow. I want a perfect kind of love, in my eyes.
        I want the kind of love where we can both own up to our faults and talk them out. No storming off in a huff. No harsh words in order to win an argument. I want someone who I can genuinely sit down with, talk out, and solve a problem like grown people are supposed to. I want a partner who will make me laugh more than cry. Life is tough enough. Home and your loved ones should be your shelter from the storm. I want a love with a solid foundation of support. I want to support my partner in any dream they have because the ultimate goal I have is for them to be happy and I’d hope they’d want the same…