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Showing posts from 2014

Here's To The New Year

2015 is the year I disappear.
It’s the year I stop living my life for other people.
It’s the year I find happiness.
It’s the year I will inspire myself and others.
It’s the year I will be grounded and humble.
It’s the year I actually live.
2015 is the year I will be free.
I’ll make sure of that.
Here’s to the new year and the blessings that may be.
Goodbye to all the hardships and loss of the past 365.
This is the year I shall shed my skin and start anew.

-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites

Tragic Best Friend Tales #1

Bestie J was a girl I met at work in Ohio. Since we didn’t work in the same department we really didn’t become close until she was about to quit. We became really close over the years and only had a few fallouts like friends usually do. It got to be a bit much for me when every fallout was over pretty much the same thing.

        The last few years of our friendship was mainly through text and social media since I had moved to Chicago. There were a few visits back home, but not many as money was very tight at the time. Two years ago money got extremely tight and I had to come back home to Ohio. J texted me that she was very excited I was coming home so that we could hang out like old times. Once I got back it really was like old times. J is one of those people who will never ask you to do something, she waits for you to contact her. So if I asked her to do something on a day she’s busy and tell her to call me when she’s free I may as well forget ever getting that…
I wish I was the type of person to not let people’s actions change me. A man lies to me and I think “All men are liars.” A friend betrays me and I think “I have NO friends” even though I know I have at least one who would never harm me. I let the actions of a few people in my past harden me which makes me cold towards people who could be a part of my future. It’s not fair, but that’s how it is. I have a hard time differentiating between good and bad people so I classify everyone as bad. I’ve had so many people take advantage of me that I have my guard up constantly. I’m always irritable and moody because I don’t want people to get close enough to hurt me. I want to change this. I know deep down I am the type of person who is friendly, semi-sociable, giddy, caring, sensitive, etc, but I hide all that because I’m afraid that everyone will take advantage of my kindness. My attitude has definitely ruined possible friendships because I just don’t want to be bothered with the…
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#tbt Christmas day 1986 IG-AsiaAneka
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Happy Christmas, everyone! I hope everyone is having a beautiful day! IG-AsiaAneka

Judy Garland - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

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My absolute favourite Christmas song.

John Lennon - Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

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My second favourite Christmas song.
A pretty girl who is all alone. Always alone. She will be alone until the day she dies. Death can't come soon enough.
-Asia Aneka Anderson
I've got a lot to say and no ears to hear my words.-Asia Aneka Anderson
"My brain never stops. Never rests."

-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015©
"My heart stops when with you."

-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015©
So much time spent in fear. Afraid to speak our minds. Afraid to tell others we love them. We’re so scared of rejection. I often think how much my life would be different if I had said the things I needed to say. I’ve been an outcast all of my life and the lifestyle stuck. What if I had thrown that to the wind and become an outgoing person? Would I be living where I dream of living? Would I have the career I’ve always wanted and more? Would I be married? Would my goals be completely different from what they are now? It all boils down to my fear of rejection. It keeps us from doing a lot of things. It would be nice to find the courage to take more risks. I let my mind drift and think of packing my bags and hopping on a bus to anywhere USA out of reach from everyone. I’d like to find the courage to go up to a stranger and start a conversation. I want to be that person who isn’t shaking with fear to speak in front f a crowd. I want to find that fearless side of me. It’s fun…
"This time she opened her heart."

-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015©
"Today is the day it begins."

-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015©
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Dayton sunset    IG-AsiaAneka
"Finding my path to nowhere land."

-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015©

My Struggle With Religion

I often wonder that if I believed in God my life would perhaps be much better. I look at people who go through hell, but take it in stride because they believe that in the end God is looking out for them. If I believed in God would I be where I need to be?
I’d like to believe that if God is real he looks out for those who do their best whether they’re believers or not, but that’s not a belief I hold highly. I see people who do horrible things to others, whether it be a big corporation who makes (or steals) tons of money without putting it back into communities, crooked politicians, or large groups who promote hate speech they seem to have it easy and are making millions on others pain. Yet the people who have faith can barely make ends meet, die from terminal illnesses, or run into crisis after crisis.
Although I’ve had a rough few years or more I will admit that things in my life could be far far worse. I’m not where I want to be in my life and things don’t ever go t…

Shine

Dancing with the sun.
Beauty in this life shines bright.
Wrapped in happiness.

-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites

Review: Now Solutions Coconut Oil

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Hello, everyone!

I finally got around to making this post. I picked up the Now Solutions coconut oil about a month ago. I've been shopping around to find a coconut oil that works really well and saw this at a local health food store.
With this particular kind of coconut oil it's more of a waxy texture, but quickly and easily melts in the hand. Which I prefer over just straight liquid form. In my opinion, it doesn't give off a coconut smell like I'm used to with other oils.



 The first few times I used this oil I used it after I would wash or co-wash my hair and then I would twist my hair afterwards. Now it took me a while to do this review because I didn't really like how it left my hair after I twisted it. I felt like it left my hair kind of dull and after a few days my hair would start to smell. The only way I would describe it was sort of a stale smell or the type of smell you would get from a plain candle after it's set for a while. It wasn't an overwhe…

We Can't Breathe

Blood covered sheets fill these streets.
Dead bodies everywhere.
Another mother without a son.
Another wife without a husband.
Another child without a parent.
Another human life turned into a hashtag.
A whole community gasping for air because we can’t breathe.
The cries get attention, but the message is lost.
Debates on the evening news as to who’s right and who’s wrong.
Everyone forgetting that a human life ended at the hands of another.
The people in power ignore the fact that we can’t breathe.
We walk around on eggshells.
Don’t look threatening.
Keep hands outside pockets.
Hold onto the breath you have left.
Remember that in a black man’s hands a wallet is a gun.
Sagging pants make you a drug dealer.
Asking questions make you a menace.
Our lives hold value.
Yet there’s still bloody sheets, lifeless bodies, and cries of anger.
Let. Us. Breathe.
We have been gasping for air for far too long.
How many times do we have to yell “WE CAN’T BREATHE!” until the world believes us?
I’m holdin…

Am I An Object?

It’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately. In most of my 32 years I don’t feel like I’ve been seen as a person. I feel like I’ve always been treated like an object or product. When I was a child around extended family it was all about looks. No one was interested in my talents, education, interests, or anything else. The women in my family are very much image obsessed. So if I gained a few pounds it was definitely noticed. If I dressed like a tomboy it was always “Why don’t you wear more dresses?”. It was always about how I looked and not who I was. That didn’t come until much later and by that point I had learned to despise these people. They started the ball rolling of me hating myself because I never felt good enough with all of their poking and prodding at my looks all the time.
As I got older it got worse on a whole other level. I developed early. And I do mean early. I was in a training bra by 8 and in a DD cup by 15. Everyone noticed. From the moment o…
"I’d rather fly than stand still."

-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015©

Still Mind

Keeping my life sane.
Chaos revolves around me.
Centering my mind.

-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaAneka
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Been playing around with different styles and my hair ACTUALLY cooperated haha


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November sunset IG-AsiaAneka
"Loving myself is an impossible task."

-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015©
"Worshiping faceless deities searching for faith."

-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015©
"In this universe love is infinite."

-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015©
"Gave him my heart to break."

-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015©
"Unfulfilled in the absence of happiness."

-Asia Aneka Anderson 2015©

Tragic Boyfriend Tales #5

Out of the few adult relationships I’ve had I was with boyfriend O the longest. It was no easy feat since 90% of our relationship was long distance. There were more ups than downs in this relationship, which I was grateful for. We tried our best to see each other during holidays, school breaks, and we talked every single day either on the phone or Skype. Nine months into dating I could feel him sort of pulling away. I wasn’t sure if it was due to us being in different states, because we were in an interracial relationship, or because he wasn’t ready for something really serious. One day while on Skype he casually brought up the idea of us possibly taking a break. When he saw how hurt I was he stressed that it wasn’t an end to our relationship, just a break. There wasn’t much I could do from so far away. We shelved the conversation, but I could tell he was set in his decision, but I didn’t agree with it.
That weekend I decided to hang out with someone I had been friends …

Hair Growth Update

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Hi everyone,
I just wanted to show you guys an update on my hair growth. I made a few posts in the past about the castor oil challenge. This challenge started in September and ends this week.
As you can see my hair has grown a bit. Not a whole lot, but I can definitely see a difference. For some reason it's growing faster in the back than anywhere else. The kind of castor oil I've using is the Jamaican black. I use it everyday around my edges, hairline, and the nape of my neck (pretty much the whole circumference of me head) and on the crow of my head. This is the result of that. There is another castor oil challenge coming up and you have until December 7th to register and will run until March 1st. You should really join and if not you should at least pop by the website because this girl posts amazing tips for natural hair. I'll try to post more updates as far as my natural hair journey. I still have a few reviews to do that hopefully I can get up in the next few weeks. I…

My Country Tis of Thee

I live in a country where my future children will have targets on their backs.
Where from a young age I’ll have to train them to have two different personae and in order to become successful they may have to make the hard choice to abandon who they truly are to adopt the persona that makes people more “comfortable”.                                                         
A country where I’ll have to tell them that if they’re around police or in a white neighborhood to not look “suspicious”. I’ll have to remind them to always keep their heads up, be super friendly, and smile, no matter what kind of day you’re having, as to not look threatening.
Where I’ll have to make sure they know the laws and their rights as if they’d written them themselves.
Where if their clothes are a size or two too big they’ll be perceived as “thugs” and “criminals” even if they are straight A or honor roll students.
A country where I will have to thoroughly teach my future children the horror …

What I'm Thankful For

Some years it’s easy to think of what I’m thankful for while some years I wonder “what’s the point?”
I’m thankful that I’m here to see another day even though there are days I wish I didn’t exist.
I’m thankful that I get better each day.
I’m thankful for the strength that keeps me going when I want to give up.
I’m thankful for the small number of people that genuinely care. The ones that I know I can truly count on.
I’m thankful for Tumblr for giving me a place to not be afraid to share my life with total strangers.
I’m thankful for these total strangers who saw my cries for help when those around me didn’t. Thank you for lending me your ears.
Even though I want more and have had more in the past I’m thankful for what I have right now.
I’m thankful for the once in a lifetime experiences I’ve had.
I’m thankful for the laughter through the tough times.
I’m thankful for the ability to feel. For so long I thought that I was dying inside.
I’m thankful for the talent I have wit…

The Mighty Flower Grows

I hear the beating of the rain against my window.
The skies overcome with grey.                                          
A lightening fear shakes the ground.                                                 
When the tears fall from the sky life can begin down below.
What I wouldn’t give to be a flower standing in the rain.
Mighty, powerful, and strong.                                                        
Breaking the surface to be free.
Facing the howling wind my roots keeping me grounded and brave.
From this darkness can I grow?
Grow to be mighty?
Grow to tower over my fears?
Or will the darkness of the clouds make me weary?                          
Sunlight fades away the grey.                                                            
Again I am mighty, powerful, and strong.      

 -Asia Aneka Anderson                  
Tumblr: AsiaWrites

Tragic Crush Tales #4

If you’ve read any of the lovey dovey type poems I’ve posted as of late they are all about crush L. The only words I can use to describe this man is: intelligent, caring, cool, laid back, artistic, and the perfect match for me, truly.
I met him at my first job in Chicago back in 2009. When I first laid eyes on him I just knew he was someone I was going to click with. The romantic feelings didn’t start off right away. I still had an overwhelming feeling of nervousness because I’m in this big city by myself and hadn’t been there long, I was starting this job where most people had been for a long time, were a tight knit family, and I know I’m not the easiest person to get to know, and when I did start this job I was given a heads up that the store was closing in less than a year. With all of those feelings swirling in my head I had no time to stop and listen to my heart pitter-patter.
I quickly started to fit in and especially when months later a girl from another store cam…

Tragic Crush Tales #3

Crush G was the shit sprinkles on top of a shit sundae that 2013 was starting out to be. I had met G on Twitter of all places. We noticed each other through a mutual person we were following. The weird thing about it is the person we were following was the girl who was the main person in the Catfish finale of season 1. That should have been a sign. Well, one day she was tweeting about not being able to find love (this was all before her episode even aired) and we both at the same time were trying to give her encouraging words. We both saw each other and liked what we saw and it all started from there. We’d message each other all the time and send little flirtatious tweets back and forth.
        As sad as it sounds during this time he became my everything. Just a few months earlier I was kicked out of my place in Chicago and had to move back to Dayton. People that I called my very best friends were super excited I was coming back home, but when I did land in Ohi…

Tragic Boyfriend Tales #4

I met boyfriend L through a mutual friend. I thought he was very attractive and asked my best friend to set us up. To this day I still believe our first date was the best first date I’d ever been on. We went to dinner and a movie and since we didn’t want to leave each other we went back to his place and stayed up all night watching movies. I was leaving Ohio for Chicago not even two months after we met, but we decided to give a relationship a go anyways. We became attached to the hip instantly, making sure to spend every minute together until it was time for me to leave. I fell for him hard from the start. Very hard.

One day he was over at my house. We got tired of packing and decided to take a movie break. The movie started to bore me halfway through so I started playing a game on his phone. All of a sudden he takes the phone from me and tells me he wants to show me something. He flips through his phone for a few minutes and then shoves it in my face once he’s found th…

Another Naturally Me

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I haven't posted much about it since I started the castor oil challenge. It's a 3 month challenge to help promote natural hair growth. Well the challenge is almost over and I couldn't be happier with my hair. I can definitely tell that it's growing and it's incredibly soft. A new challenge is starting up December 7th and you should definitely join. Within the next couple of weeks I'll post updates of my hair growth progress as well as reviews for the castor oil I have been using as well as a new coconut oil I purchased recently. I wanted to share a few pics with you guys of my hair pinned up. My twist outs never go as planned so I've been playing around with different styles. I don't feel like my hair is long enough or the texture to do a lot of styles I'd like to, but I'm learning.
I was messing around with my hair the other day and was able to get my hair to do hat I wanted for once. So I'll try my best to get these updates posted soon and…

Killing Myself To Be Pretty

I’ve never been the pretty girl and the world would always remind me.
As a young girl I learned that no one liked ugly.
I’d stare into mirrors and ponder why God would do such a thing.
Picked on by the boys in class.
Treated like the outcast at home.
Ugly duckling.
Black sheep.
I grew into a woman constantly wanting to feel pretty.
Self conscience of everything about me.
Pulling, tugging, and sucking it in.
When my hips expanded the world was sure to point it out.
When I didn’t wear makeup the world turned up its nose in disgust.
Skip a meal or two or three.
Create homemade mask that could burn away the ugly.
When my waist started to shrink and my skin began to clear the world struggled to find the words of praise as if the words would burn their lips.
Backhanded compliments of “You’d look better if….” and “You look nice, but…” were the norm.
Genuine words of encouragement were far and few in between.
Still I felt unpretty.
Still I stood in the mirror asking “Why?”
Why can’t I be b…

Who I Am.

I know exactly who I am. I have no idea where I’m going, I don’t know what life has in store for me, and I don’t know what I want to be, but I DO know who I am. I don’t think a lot of people truly know deep down who they are. When I say that I mean I know how I act, react, my flaws, I know my strengths and my weaknesses, and I embrace all of this. I feel like that’s rare. I feel that way because I don’t know many people who embrace their weaknesses and flaws. Honestly I probably embrace those parts of myself more than my strengths. I think weakness and flaws mold you more than anything because you learn from them.

I know that I have a horrible habit of treating my shitty friends like gold and my golden friends like shit. I’ve always been like that and I don’t know why. I see it. I recognize it. I try to catch myself when I see myself doing it, but sometimes it’s too late. I’ve been accused of being an overprotective friend. It’s true to a point, but it’s because I don’t…

Tragic Crush Tales #2

When I was a freshman in high school there was this guy who was absolutely gorgeous. G was this sexy chocolate dude, who seemed sweet, his family was religious, and he had an amazing voice. We were in choir together. We didn’t talk TOO much, but he was always nice when we did. He was very easy going and I have always been very shy. Somehow my best friend got his number and we would call him often, giggling like 14 year old girls usually do when you talk to the cute boy in class. One day after school I decided to stay behind with my best friend and roam around our new school. We watched the boys practice basketball, bugged a few of our favorite teachers, and we came across G roaming the halls. As soon as we saw him my friend pushed me towards him and bolted to “give us time alone to flirt” cause she knew I wouldn’t do without a metaphorical, or in this case, physical push. We only chatted for a few minutes and before I knew it he pulled me off into this little nook and p…

Tragic Crush Tales #1

Crush D was kind of a complicated situation. He was my manager. It wasn’t as awkward as you would think. We were the same age, he was covered in tattoos, a sneaker head, etc. So he wasn’t this stuck up bent out of shape slave driver that comes to mind when you think “boss”. He was hella cool and flirtatious and he helped me out a lot when it came to giving me more hours. So I was more drawn to his personality, as well as most other girls that worked with us. Everyone was in love with this dude.
        Around Christmastime one year most of us decided to head to a popular club to celebrate the holidays and he kept asking me that whole week if I was going. For me it wasn’t really worth it because I lived pretty far and the bus that would take me home stopped running at 12:30am and I didn’t want to be that party pooper who had to leave after about an hour. That didn’t keep him from asking me so I started to reply with “I’ll go if you drop me off at home so I don’t …

Love Is Simple

From first glance I knew it was love.
Nothing existed in this world but us.
My past heartbreaks you erased.
To love you is simple.
Nothing can break the bond we share.
This love is eternal.
A “til death do us part” kind of love.
I can’t think of anything simpler than loving you.
My days are better with your love.
I had lost hope until I felt the kind of love only you can give.
A love that can never be replaced.
Finding that type of love is rare.
I can get used to the smile you put on my face.
My heart is aflutter from this simple love.
Floating on a cloud of utter happiness.
What we have is as real as it gets.
I love you.
It’s that simple.


-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites

Tragic Boyfriend Tales #3

Boyfriend J was a train wreck that I kept reliving. We were absolute best friends in high school. To say that I was in love with this dude from day one would be an understatement, but we never dated while in school. We did date after we graduated but he soon dived into drugs and I was busy living college life so we eventually drifted apart. We would sometimes go years without talking then suddenly he’d call or message me out of the blue and it would be like we were 15 again and I’d fall hard all over again. I was truly convinced he was my soulmate and that one day he’s see it too. We again lost contact when I moved out of state. On his birthday, August of 2011, I wished him a happy birthday on FB like most people do. Out of nowhere he called me that night and we talked for hours. I turned into a teenager like I  always do and in a instant was ready to turn my life upside down and move back home just for him. That’s how much of a grip he had on me. I settled on just comi…

My Old Friend

When everyone leaves there’s always one friend who will always be there. Too bad it’s the one friend I’d love to shake. Depression has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. As I get older my cloud gets bigger and bigger. It’s almost as if my depression is aging with me, growing bitter and old. My depression gives zero fucks as to when it hits me. It’s only mission is to make me feel worthless, hopeless, trapped, angry, overwhelmed, unloved, and like trash. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve gotten older that it has gotten worse or because I have no distraction. I have no friends, no job, and no relationship. With the absence of all these things it’s a vicious cycle. I’m already depressed, I have none of the wants and needs in life which makes me more depressed which leads me to not pursing said wants and needs in life which makes me sink into a deeper depression. Once I can get the slight motivation to go after something some fear creeps into my mind and …

Where You Begin And I End

I want to know all about you
Let’s have deep conversation at midnight under the stars
What makes you tick?
What makes you happy?
What turns you on?
What do you dream?
What are your failures?
I want to know everything
To be close to you
To be the one who understands you
To know how you think
That’s all I want
I want you to know me
My darkest secrets
My passion
My quirks
Us as best friends and lovers
Completing each others sentences
Knowing what the other is thinking with just one glance
No judgment towards each other
Just love
Just understanding
Just happiness
That’s all I’ve ever wanted.

-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites

Pretty For a Black Girl

The topic I’m about to go into has affected me my entire life, but I have never fully opened my eyes to it until the impact it’s had on me recently. Now every time I post something like this I try to make a little disclaimer that I’m in no way an expert I just come from my heart and how I see things. I know with this particular topic affects each person differently. For some it’s a harder subject and are more passionate about it and for others they may be blind to it like I probably was.
Colorism.
I’m going to give a little background on myself  before I dive into how colorism pretty much slapped me in the face this year (and probably has  several times along the way) especially when it comes to the opposite sex.
Anyone who knows me knows that I identify with anything nerdy, fangirl, rock, and pretty much anything stereotypically labeled as “white girl behavior” (not my words) so naturally when it came to dating I gravitated to white men. I just had more in common wit…

Tragic Boyfriend Tales #2

Boyfriend M and I started dating my junior year of high school. He was a senior. We actually started out as best friends and I figured since I knew he liked me then we could take it to the next step. Fast forward to the summer of that year. Summers were special to me because my little cousin, who was like a sister to me, came up to Ohio from Tennessee every summer. She was about 11 at the time and I was probably 17, but she was my absolute best friend. I told M this and that most of my summer would most likely be spent with her seeing as we only see each other three months out of the year. He was okay at first because I think he thought I was understating what I said.
        I brought her to a few events with friends, but we didn’t do too much with M because I could tell my cousin didn’t like him. Being the jealous type that he was he started calling me nonstop. One night when my cousin was sleeping over he called and started saying stupid things like “Is she the…
More than anything I wonder what it would feel like to wake up a different person. Someone who’s happy, always smiling, greets strangers, and has the ability to brush off negativity without a second thought. I want to know what it feels like to be a good person. I want to be someone who has positive people gravitate towards her. I want to wake up and know what it feels like to have people root for me and willing to pick me up when I fall. I wonder what it feels like to not have people disappear when times get tough. I’d like to know what it feels like being something other than second best. What would not being ignored feel like? I want to know what unconditional love feels like and not the kind of love that feels forced. I wonder what it feels like to love myself. I want to love me at my highs and my lows. I want to wake up and feel prepared to take on life. What does it feel like to be alive? I wonder what joy really is? I want to know what it’s like not being someone’…