Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder what could have been.
Sometimes I think about what it would’ve been to have you in my life now.
I trusted you more in a few months than people I’ve known my whole life.
I let you in with no questions asked.
Sometimes I wonder if I had been a comfort to you too.
Sometimes I wonder if we could’ve been more had I not been so stubborn.
Sometimes I wonder if you felt the same about me.
I think you did.
I let my loyalty to a friend who liked you cloud my happiness.
I know what it feels like to be betrayed.
I didn’t have the heart to do it to someone else.
In the end, even though I didn’t hurt her, I felt like I hurt you.
I could see in your eyes what you felt and I kept my distance.
Both of us with this secret affection for one another.
I was afraid that you’d be the man of my dreams and I’d be your disappointment.
Sometimes I felt like you deserved better.
You deserved someone who was secure enough to give you all of her love.
I couldn’t be the woman I wanted to be for you then.
I was stuck battling my own demons.
Since we last spoke you’ve had few women come in and out of your life.
Judging by the look on your face I assumed you’d been hurt.
Sometimes I’d like to think if I had been a strong woman I could’ve saved you from this heartache.
Sometimes I think of the simple things like holding your hand just to let you know that I’ll always be there for you.
Sometimes I kick myself for not telling you how I felt.
I mostly kick myself for that time we almost kissed and somehow it didn’t happen.
Sometimes I like to believe that although it’s been years since I’ve seen your face, if we were meant to be, fate would bring us together.
We’d be the hipster version of the Huxtables. Creating art and love wherever we went.
Sometimes I hold onto that thought of fate.
Sometimes I wonder if you think that too….
… or if you even remember me at all.
Sometimes I miss our talks, your smile, and the time we sat on the beach all night until we saw the sunrise.
Sometimes I wonder if you know how special that moment was to me.
You’ve been flooding my mind lately and I wish there was a way for me to get to you.
I wish I could finally tell you how I felt.
Maybe one day I’ll get that chance and actually take it.
Sometimes I wish that moment was now, but I will remain patient until the universe brings me back to you.
-Asia Aneka Anderson