Showing posts from September, 2014

What If I Don't Exist?

Have you ever sat back and thought about what if you’re actually dead and your spirit is stuck in this hellish pseudo reality? Hear me out. I sometimes think about this because as crazy as it sounds it makes hella sense. For instance I have a younger cousin who, from the time of her birth until she was about 15, we were extremely close. What if I was sort of an imaginary friend to her and when she was 15 and we had a “falling out” it was her really outgrowing me? I’ve talked tons about how my close friends bailed on me. What if the times we hung out was them remembering me and when they “bailed” it was just them moving on from mourning and when I hear from them every blue moon it’s because they said or saw something that reminded them of me? What if when I talk to family it’s just because they’re still mourning and can still feel me around. I’ve talked a lot about my dads drug addiction. What if the reason he started is because he couldn’t handle my passing? And what if …

Not Tomorrow But Today

People count on there always being a tomorrow.
We put life on hold hoping to have tomorrow.
We ignore loving someone until tomorrow.
Sometimes life is hard and we believe it will be easy tomorrow.
The only regrets we should claim is thinking tomorrow is a promise.
In a matter of seconds a life is lost.
There is no tomorrow.
Tomorrow doesn’t exist.
Life knows nothing of tomorrow.
The only thing for certain is today.
Make your mark on this world today.
Hug her and make her feel loved today.
Change someones life today.
Change YOUR life today.

-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites

Be My Future

I’ll wait for you.
I toss away all momentary happiness for a lifetime with you.
Just the sight of you plants a smile on my face.
I never knew I could miss something so much that I never had.
I lost you in my own fear of rejection.
Replaying in my head what could have been.
Waiting for circumstances to join us together again.
Practicing all the things I’ll say to you.
Dreaming of the love you’ll say you have for me.
The happiness I’ll get from calling you mine.
Roaming this Earth with my tiny hand in yours.
Fearing to let go and be reminded of a time where “we” didn’t exist.
I see you and only you.
I won’t be satisfied with anyone else.
The day will come when I won’t have to dream of our future.
On that day I’ll be happy that I can keep you.

-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites

Birthday Woes

My birthday is less than three weeks away and I’m pretty excited. With that excitement I’m reminded that almost every birthday in my adult life has been horrible. The last birthday I can genuinely say that I had a good time was when I was 11. That was almost 21 years ago.
         Most of my birthdays are full of me hoping for something big only to have only one or two people show their faces. For my 21st birthday I was very excited. Who isn’t for their 21st? Well I ended up getting sick a few days before. On top of that my friends at the time were either under 21 or bailed on me. I ended up going out with a coworker to a gay club. She was nice, but it’s not what I had pictured my 21st would be like. My first birthday when I lived in Chicago was my 27th. It was another where few people (coworkers) showed up, but I’ll admit that at least the people that matter showed up and it was great. Well it was great until a girl I considered a good friend decided to make ou…
Goodwill Record Hunting
The most beautiful yet frustrating thing about my writing process is that the idea comes to me in the form of a movie trailer. Flashes of scenes that tie together the plot. You see the laughter, the tears, loss, and love. The characters become so real and this imaginary trailer draws you in. This clip plays over and over in my head and it even feels as though you can hear an obscure indie band playing in the background just like any independent movie trailer. The only problem is that you can’t see the whole story. All you see is the highlights and of course it’s only the good parts. I try to write around these good parts and nothing seems to fit. Sometimes you’ll see the teaser trailer that will give you more insight into the lives of these characters, but still not enough to give a story life. I’m constantly trying to bring life to something that comes in 2 minute clips and it never plays out as planned. I wish my mind would illegally download the rest so that I can sho…

My New Weekly Regimen

I just wanted to share with you guys my new weekly regimen for my hair. Since I've been natural I'll admit I haven't had any type of consistent regimen. I'm guilty of trying a ton of products and not giving them enough time to see if they benefit my hair or not. I'm going to stick with this regimen for a least 2 months to see how this does before I move onto the next.
I wash or cleanse my hair every 7 days. I only shampoo twice a month and co-wash twice a month. After whichever I do I part my hair on whichever side I desire (usually the right) so that I can flat twist my hair... or at least my version of flat twists that works for me. I'll take the right section o my hair and use a spray bottle full of water and just spray a little on the section then I use my olive oil.
Now I know a lot of people use extra virgin olive oil and once this runs out that's what I'll buy, but hey this was cheap and it gets the job done. It gives my hair a shine and locks in…

Review: Pantene Clarifying Shampoo and Deep Conditioner for Natural Hair

Hi everyone. This week I wanted to give my review for the Pantene Clarifying Shampoo and Deep Conditioner for natural hair. Both of these products I've used many times since going natural a year ago.
Now I will admit when it came to the shampoo I wasn't amazed the first few times I used it. It felt like it stripped my hair of all natural oils and caused it to feel brittle when it dried. This time I did things just a tiny bit different. Instead of combing it through with my fingers I let it sit for a few seconds and then massaged my scalp for a few minutes. While I was doing it my scalp felt loads better and I my hair felt cleansed. Once I rinsed it out my hair felt light and soft. So now I am amazed by it and I will continue buying it.You can find this everywhere from Target to CVS and I believe I've even seen it in Dollar General. I never pay more than about $4-$5 for it, if that.

The deep conditioner I've always loved. I put it in after I've made sure I've ri…
Times have been so tough lately. I have my good days and I have my very bad days. I've had to train myself into thinking that I'm never given more than I can handle, everything happens for a reason,  and that in the end everything will be okay.
I've been shown this many times throughout my life, but when everything seems to go downhill it's hard to see the big positive that may be right around the corner. For instance years ago I was at a job that barely put food on the table. From the moment I started that job I was immediately looking for a second one, but after tons of applications and many interviews nothing came of it. Months before the news of that job closing it's doors for good I got a better paying, although more stressful, job. But even with that first job I was blessed. Even with the low pay I still consider it the best job I ever had. I worked with a lot of good people, and that job came at a time when I was hanging by a thread financially…
You know what puzzles me? That officer in Ferguson (I refuse to say a killers name) killed an unarmed teen in daylight and GoFundMe has allowed people to raise over $400,000 for him because this poor murderer may not find a job as a police officer again (forgive me if I don’t weep over his misfortune). On the other hand when Jahar supporters wanted to make t-shirts online, seeing as he’s only an alleged criminal, most, if not all, websites shut down all orders of people who wanted to show their support of someone they felt was wrongly accused. Money spent on these shirts were not going to the Tsarnaev family. It was going to the companies who provided the services of making custom shirts, yet that was brought to a halt, but someone who is, without a doubt, known to have killed someone is now rich because of supporters. What kind of sick shit is that?
Over the past several months I have been making changes in my life. I’ve been working on myself psychically as well as seeing what really makes me tick. With both going through my journey of going natural and also being in a state of wanting to be in love I decided to dive into what has attracted me to certain men in the past and what has ran me away from others. I say this because all my adult life my boyfriends have been white. That’s not to say I haven’t been intimate with, or been attracted to men of other races, because I have, but they never resulted into anything meaningful. In recent months my preference has done a complete 180. All I want to do is spend the rest of my life with a black man.
      I bet if my parents heard that they’d probably jump for joy, but I’m not doing it for anyone’s approval. This change all started when I lived in Chicago. Growing up in Dayton, Ohio, for me, always seemed like slim pickens. Dayton isn’t small, but there is a small minded…

This Skin That I'm In

I’m just starting to feel this skin that I’m in that I’ve spent most of my life ignoring.
This skin has turned into my armor.
Some may see it as my prison.
So much time spent on knowing others inside out.
I realize they only see this brown skin that I’m in.
I put forth a personality that didn’t reflect this brown skin that I’m in.
Confused by people who were confused by me.
"You don’t act black."
I didn’t know what that meant.
This skin that I’m in should tell you what I am.
No person’s skin comes with a manual on how to act.
I can only be me, not a color.
Still I didn’t feel the plight of others that share this skin that I’m in.
I kept my distance because the skin that I’m in didn’t feel like who I am inside.
I was reminded all the time that I wasn’t like all the others that share this skin that I’m in.
Now I see people who share this skin that are now covered in red.
Blood pouring from their brown skin for nothing other than the negativity that some seem to think it repre…

The Castor Oil Challenge Has Started!!

I made a post recently about the castor oil challenge made by Kinky Curly Coily Me. It goes from Sept. 1st- Dec. 1st. This challenge is to promote hair growth over the next three months (and hopefully beyond). I in no way have anything to do with this challenge, but I want to encourage many people to join it. I will be more than excited to update all of you on my continued journey. I do have some before pics that were taken on August 21st. These will be my before pics. You can see that from the sides my hair is a little past my jawline and the back is a little past the base of my neck. The front, not pictured, is to the tip of my nose. I'm hoping to gain 4-5 inches by the end of this challenge, but as long as I see progress I'll be fine.

  What I will be using is the Jamaican Black Lavender Castor Oil. I will be using it mostly around my edges and crown for 4-5 days a week, as well as my eyebrows. I bought a 4oz. bottle off Amazon and since I received it early I started early …