What If I Don't Exist?

Have you ever sat back and thought about what if you’re actually dead and your spirit is stuck in this hellish pseudo reality? Hear me out. I sometimes think about this because as crazy as it sounds it makes hella sense. For instance I have a younger cousin who, from the time of her birth until she was about 15, we were extremely close. What if I was sort of an imaginary friend to her and when she was 15 and we had a “falling out” it was her really outgrowing me? I’ve talked tons about how my close friends bailed on me. What if the times we hung out was them remembering me and when they “bailed” it was just them moving on from mourning and when I hear from them every blue moon it’s because they said or saw something that reminded them of me? What if when I talk to family it’s just because they’re still mourning and can still feel me around. I’ve talked a lot about my dads drug addiction. What if the reason he started is because he couldn’t handle my passing? And what if the reason my mom won’t leave him is because the pain of dealing with her only child dying is too much to take on her own? What about if when I moved to Chicago that was something made up, almost like a vacation for my spirit? I mean I had never even been to Chicago before I moved there and most of the places I hung out at are well known tourists spots. And possibly that’s why I barely heard from my family the 5 years I lived there. Am I the only one who thinks of this shit? My brain exploded. Like am I really dead or just that ignored?
-Asia Aneka Anderson
Tumblr: AsiaWrites

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