A Letter To My Future Self

Dear future me,
Wherever you are I hope you are well.
I did my best to keep you healthy and sound when you were here.
As I know I could’ve tried harder.
I often worry about you.
I’m unsure whether you’ll even exist.
Imagining you seems impossible.
Past me was so hopeful and full of dreams.
She lived with the vision that you’d be something amazing.
Past me made so many plans that present me was supposed to fulfill.
Present me steamrolled that vision.
I’m not sure where it all went wrong and even more unsure how to fix it.
I can’t seem to get a grip on life.
I really hope you sorted that out.
All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.
I wanted to make it easy for you to succeed.
That pressure only made it easy for me to give up.
I gave up, waiting for you to come and take the reigns.
My apologies for making your job much harder.
I hope you can forgive me for the mess I have made.
Future me I hope you become everything we wanted you to be.
We wanted you to be loved.
Loving myself proved to be hard.
I hope you got a hold of that concept.
Future me I hope you are the opposite of what we are and used to be.
So much potential we all but gladly watched fly away.
We hope you realized your worth.
You are truly worthy of all the things present me denies herself.
Past me pictured you as a traveler with a lover by your side.
She pictured you taking the world by storm with your powerful words.
Present me can’t even find a reason worthy leaving the bed.
My world is so cold and dark.
I hope some light has come your way.
My only wish is that present me is nothing but a blur to you.
Future me I hope you’ve taken all the risks I was afraid to take.
I hope you’re demanding the respect we never got.
Most importantly, future me, I hope you’ve finally found that life is worth living.
I hope you’ve figured out that life is only cold and dark for a moment.
I can’t see that now, but I hope I give you the chance to experience it.
Don’t look back, future me.
Live your life the way I could only dream.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, A Letter To My Future Self 2015 ©