This tale isn’t actually tragic. As in one of my Tragic Crush Tales
this one isn’t about the guy. This is all about my shortcomings. I’m in
no way perfect and I have to be ready to call myself out the same that I
would anyone else.
Boyfriend W is a really great guy. We
actually met a million years ago back in high school. We weren’t
terribly close, but we hung in the same circles and I always thought he
was a cool dude. Once we graduated we parted ways only to reconnect a
few years later to go to a concert. After that we lost touch for about a
decade or more with maybe a few times reaching out on Facebook here and
there. Of course in today’s fashion we reconnected through social media
and Tinder, of all places. I had just finished dealing with a top notch
and another who only saw me as a booty call. I was still trying to dip
my foot in the dating pond despite that. One night a guy from Tinder
blew me off.... ok he didn’t blow me off. He was taking to long…
My love life is, for sure, a tragedy. It’s a combination of self
sabotage, picking horribly, and bad timing. It’s a complete clusterfuck,
and to be honest my love life has been nothing but a clusterfuck from
my very first date. I thought it was something that would improve with
time and age, and in a way it has, but definitely not too much.
For the past six years I have been single. Yes. Six. Fucking. Years.
Shoot me. I’m not even sure what happened and how time escaped me the
way that it did. Somehow six years went by where I had not been intimate
with a man. That seems absolutely insane. That’s something you hear and
expect the end of the story to wind up with the girl becoming a nun.
That is definitely not my story. My story involves hectic work
schedules, over stressed, financial ruin, major setbacks, major bouts of
depression, deaths in the family, more depression, blah, blah, blah. It
was never ending. I barely had time for human contact because
The very thought of you had me playing Disney themed romance scenes in my mind. Happily ever afters. Turned into nothing but disasters. You shed your Prince Charming role. With it my trust you stole. First had me feeling like a princess. Now the shit you put me through is senseless. Exaggerated feelings that never existed. If only your actions could've been consistent. Lust mistaken for love. A false partnership I never dreamed of. Lies upon lies. From that I grew to despise. Once upon a time you hand me in the palm of you hand. Later to reveal you lack what it takes to be a man. Sadly in my heart you still remain. But I know that it's all in vain. There are no fairy tales with you in the end. I know now that it was all pretend. My prince charming does exist. He'll be genuine and your lies will not be missed. I won't let you shake my belief in happily ever after. One day I'll find that man that shows me I truly matter.