I started writing this a few days after I found out I was pregnant.
Now I’m writing this after spending hours in the ER to find out you’re
gone. I spent my whole life saying I never wanted kids, then the moment I
found out I was I was so excited. By the end of the night I knew you’d
be either a miss Lennon Amira (or Lennon Sarai) or William Dearron. Now
my heart feels crushed. Who knew a person I had never met before could
make me feel so many emotions at once. I know this is the story of many
women and I’m not alone, but at the same time I’d imagine things would
be different for me. I looked forward to my belly. I looked forward to
holding you for the first time, watching you bond with your dad and
sister. I looked forward to first steps, first words, and first days of
school. I don’t know how many losses in my life I can take. I know it
was only two months, but I feel like I lost a child. I’m just
devastated. I feel like it’s my fault. I know it’s not, but that …
“We have reached the status of relationship goals.
The kind where we can have sex and eat pizza all day.
Just each other’s company is all we need.
The kind of goals where we text “I miss you” moments after a goodbye.
Where we can cuddle and be vulnerable.
We understand our silences as much as our words.
The kind where we can cry one minute and laugh the next.
Knowing our limits and our quirks.
A relationship where honesty rules all.
And support for each other is what matters most.
Lifting each other up so that we’re better than yesterday.
A partnership where you bare your heart and I bare mine.
The nakedness of our love.
The kind of relationship where we are a unit.
No you and I, but we.
They don’t make them like this anymore.
Just two unique beings on this journey of togetherness.
Our love is rare love.
Because of you I am lucky.
A cliché of sorts, but truth overall.
I can see you making me the luckiest girl in the world for the rest of our lives.
I say “our” because I imagine car…