Day 278: Four more days. #Libra #LibraSeason #TeamLibra #109 #2015 #365DaysOfHappy #HappyGoals

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This New Phase Of My Life

I’m still processing. I’m still dealing. I’m still going through a day to day routine as if everything is fine. I don a smile, I pop some happy pills, I make nice, and I carry on. Inside everything is still and silent. I keep going because when everything stops I’m reminded that he is no longer here. It’s been over two months and already business as usual, but how else are things supposed to be? One still has to make a living, be social, and take on opportunities. I am still here. My heart still hurts so much.
        Recently I attended a comic convention in Chicago. It’s the first vacation I’ve had in ages and was so desperately needed. For that moment in time the sadness had escaped me. I was able to feel joy for the first time in a long time. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, but there was a moment, while looking through my pictures, that I thought to myself “I can hear my dad’s laugh if he saw these.” The fact that I could clearly hear his laugh let me know that…
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The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: Halloween And The Only Witches In My Circle

Let’s be honest. Halloween is the best holiday of the year. I don’t really celebrate holidays much anymore. Like Thanksgiving is just a day to pig out. Christmas is a day to just lay around in my jammies. New Years Eve is a day I just get drunk alone in my bedroom. But Halloween is different. You get to turn yourself into something amazing, be around awesome people, and enjoy everything spooky. I love this holiday. I don’t get a chance to celebrate it as big as I’d like, but I still love it more than anything.
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The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: Learning To Love Myself

I’ve finally started back going to therapy. It certainly has been a while. Years in fact. I’m hoping this time I can finally get my life on track and my thoughts clear. My first assignment was to watch a YouTube video of a speaker named Kristen Neff. She’s speaking about self-compassion at a Ted Talk. Self-Compassion is something that I’ve lacked for a very long time. I’m not ever sure when it stopped or if I even had compassion for myself ever.
       I’m often so hard on myself. My biggest obstacle is feeling like I haven’t accomplished all the things I feel a 30 something should have. I don’t have a degree. I’m back living at home. I don’t have a steady “career”, instead I’m stuck in a part time job. I’m not married nor even in a relationship and haven’t been for years. I have no children. I have no accolades. I feel like a failure. My accomplishments seem far and few in between.
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