Inside My Creative Mind

"Dear Daddy" Asia Aneka Anderson, June 17, 2016(c) IG: Asia_Aneka_Writes *My father passed away on Friday. Two days later I have to spend a Father's day without him. My soul is forever crushed. I wrote this Friday night. Happy Father's Day, daddy. I love you and miss you more than you'll ever know.*

My father just died. It feels weird to say it. I’ve had many nightmares like this, but none that could prepare me for the real thing. I have no idea what to say. I have no idea what to do. I just keep going back to when I last saw him. He walked me to the door as I left for work and hugged me as he always does and said “Be careful.” I was in such a hurry and my hands were full so I didn’t get to hug him back, only press my head against his chest. Did I even say “goodbye” or “I love you”? Not even three hours later he was gone. How is that even possible? I can’t wrap my head around it. 
        As I’ve written about before, my father has been sick for a long time. Everyone knew this time was coming, but still it doesn’t prepare you. Nothing in life can prepare you for this. I’ve gone through every emotion possible in 10 hours and I know I go through many more in the upcoming hours, days, weeks, months, and years. Mostly I feel numb. The crying has not stopped, bu…

Dear daddy, I don’t know what to say.
I don’t know how life will feel without you.
It’s hard to know you’ll only be a memory.
Memories that I will carry forever.
I’ll never forget fishing trips and days in the park.
I’ll never forget the ways you always encouraged me.
Every big step I took in life you gave me that push.
Always telling me I could do it.
Daddy, you instilled so much in me.
You gave me your courage, knowledge, and creativity.
Traits that I never hope to lose.
That way you will never leave me.
Daddy, you were my real life superhero.
No cape needed for the feats you took on.
Not everyday was sunshine and rainbows.
But everyday was one more with you.
Every little girls father is her first love.
You showed me what a man was supposed to be.
I can only imagine I’m only single now for that very reason.
How can one settle for less after the example you set?
Anything other than your example is certainly less.
Daddy, I wish you didn’t have to go.
We needed more time.
There’s never…

For the last few years I stopped making New Years resolutions and just narrowed it down to making my goal trying to be truly happy. No goal body weight, travel plans, quest for love, blah blah blah. I did declare that 2016 will be a good year after the horrible past few years I’ve had. I deserve a teeny tiny bit of good. Although we’re barely six months in and 2016 has been a struggle worldwide. We’ve already lost tons of legends, mass shootings and nonsense killings, and let’s not forget this circus of an election. So dammit, let me set some goals that I need to carry out through the rest of  2016. These will be my little rays of sunshine to making the rest of this year a worthwhile one.
1. To finally get this promotion and transfer that I’ve been promised for almost months now. It was a promotion I almost didn’t agree to at first, honestly. I felt this strange need to stick with my current store and be loyal to a place who has done nothing but waste my abilities, dedic…

What truly is the definition of beauty? How do we each individually interpret it? I can see beauty in everything but myself. I have never seen myself as beautiful. I have cute days, pretty days, and decent days, but never have I looked in the mirror and thought the woman looking back was beautiful.
I’m not sure what societal norm I base my own definition of personal beauty. I can see a plus size woman and see her as beautiful. I can see the beauty in a woman covered in tattoos, scars, or dealing with a disability or handicap. Why can’t I see the beauty within myself as I do others?
        When I look at my love life I equate the lack thereof to my looks. There’s two major problems with that. If I’m looking for a partner who will love me more for my looks above all else then I’m asking for a relationship based on something extremely shallow. The second is where is the value I should have for myself to show a potential partner that I offer so much more?…