My father just died. It feels weird to say it. I’ve had many
nightmares like this, but none that could prepare me for the real thing.
I have no idea what to say. I have no idea what to do. I just keep
going back to when I last saw him. He walked me to the door as I left
for work and hugged me as he always does and said “Be careful.” I was in
such a hurry and my hands were full so I didn’t get to hug him back,
only press my head against his chest. Did I even say “goodbye” or “I
love you”? Not even three hours later he was gone. How is that even
possible? I can’t wrap my head around it.
As I’ve
written about before, my father has been sick for a long time. Everyone
knew this time was coming, but still it doesn’t prepare you. Nothing in
life can prepare you for this. I’ve gone through every emotion possible
in 10 hours and I know I go through many more in the upcoming hours,
days, weeks, months, and years. Mostly I feel numb. The crying has not
stopped, bu…