It’s come to my realization that maybe I should just blog some random thoughts here. My motivation is blah. No story ideas. My poems are all starting to sound the same. I just don’t really care about it anymore. Well I do, I just don’t know what to say anymore without it sounding stale and exaggerated. I’m still going through every emotion possible while also feeling nothing at the same time. An aunt told my mom recently about a medium she went to and my mom and I are hoping to go next weekend when I’m off of work. I’m not sure if I’m hoping it will give me some closure, but perhaps it will. I think I’m just looking for something to put my mind at ease. I want something to help me move along in this grieving process and also something to put my mind at ease about my past and future. I just want to feel like my life until this point isn’t for nothing because it damn sure feels like it. I have a hard time seeing what this life thing is all about, but I’m always hoping that there is something bigger and greater up ahead. I really think that there is, but I’m getting rather restless. I’m restless about being stuck, being alone, being broke, not being as carefree as I know my spirit wants to be. Oh well. That’s life. It has it’s moments, and most times those moments are grand but overall it’s kind of a drag. Here’s to hoping it won’t be a drag for long. My birthday is next month and that’s always something to look forward too, although I think I want to keep it pretty low key this year and only be around folks that can give me good vibes. Good vibes are all I need in my life right now and for always.

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