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Showing posts from 2017

I Don't Have The Words

No words can describe how you make me feel.
None can define how my face lights up when I think of you.
There’s no words to illustrate how the butterflies flutter in my stomach when we touch.
Nor the way my heart swells when I stare at you.
There’s not enough words in the English language that express how much I love you.
I say it often to make up for lost time.
But it’s never enough.
No words could tell you how much I appreciate you.
Not a word can define how much I love you for loving all of me.
Nothing can describe how fast I fell after the first kiss.
No words can expound how much I look forward to our future.
All of the laughs.
Deep conversations.
Love making.
Eye gazing.
Nothing.
Nothing can describe how right we are for each other.
I don’t have the words to express how much I love you.
The only thing I can do it show you everyday.

- Asia Aneka Anderson, I Don’t Have The Words 2017©

My Father's Daughter

People wonder how I have such a temper, but am the sweetest person they know.
After all, I am my father's daughter.
Filled with creativity that takes no effort.
The strength of a thousand men in a small frame.
Overflowing with knowledge even Google doesn't know.
That was my father.
This is me.
Emotions that are buried down deep.
Secrets that will never be told.
Pain that would never be shared.
Each takes us piece, by piece, by piece.
Eating away until there is nothing left.
You wouldn't know because the strong don't break.
We don't bend.
We are resilient.
We put ourselves to the side putting you first.
"Are you good?"
"Are you okay?"
"You need any help?"
"What do you need?"
More worried about you than us.
Independents with a people pleaser attitude.
That's how it is.
That's because I am my father's daughter.
Will give you the shirt off our back.
But we take no shit.
As fierce as ever.
But broken inside.
A protector unprotected.
That was h…

Note To Self

Why don’t you bleed for this?
Why won’t you die for it?
If it is a passion where is yours?
If it is undeniable why do you deny it?
Where is your thirst?
Where is your determination?
Where is the want?
You want this.
Don’t you?
You work past the fear.
You work through the “no’s”
Even the ones you tell yourself.
Only then will you find your passion.
There you will bleed, suffer, and die for this.
How much do you want it?
No one said it would be easy.
But the hardest things are always the most worthy.
Do you sill want to give up now?
You got a taste of it.
There’s no way you can turn back now.
Give passion to your passion.
Go after what makes you happy.
After all, life is short.
Remove yourself from blocking yourself.
Only you are in the way.
Only you tell you that you don’t have what it takes.
The lies you tell yourself.
In fact, you can conquer all.
Continue the battle until you have won.
There is no other choice but victory.
You deserve every accomplishment you achieve.
If you bleed, …

The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: The Trials And Errors Of My Love Life

My love life is, for sure, a tragedy. It’s a combination of self sabotage, picking horribly, and bad timing. It’s a complete clusterfuck, and to be honest my love life has been nothing but a clusterfuck from my very first date. I thought it was something that would improve with time and age, and in a way it has, but definitely not too much.
        For the past six years I have been single. Yes. Six. Fucking. Years. Shoot me. I’m not even sure what happened and how time escaped me the way that it did. Somehow six years went by where I had not been intimate with a man. That seems absolutely insane. That’s something you hear and expect the end of the story to wind up with the girl becoming a nun. That is definitely not my story. My story involves hectic work schedules, over stressed, financial ruin, major setbacks, major bouts of depression, deaths in the family, more depression, blah, blah, blah. It was never ending. I barely had time for human contact because eve…

Lost In My Mind

What happens when your mind gets lost?
What happens when happy thoughts turn to sad?
Where does it stop?
When does it end?
My mind doesn’t pause.
Nor does it stop.
Thoughts that taunt me endlessly.
Convince me that I’m not good enough when I start to feel peace.
Tells me I’m not pretty enough when my confidence start to peak.
My own thoughts are my only enemies.
Steady somewhere between not good enough and barely getting by.
My mind stuck in a prison begging to be free.
Those little flickers of light bring hope.
Suddenly the clanging of the bars ring loud and clear.
So what happens when my mind gets lost?
My thoughts go dark.
What happens when happy goes to sad?
Hopelessness soon follows.
Where does it stop or end?
I don’t know.
I don’t think it ever does.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, Lost In My Mind 2017©

You Can't Take My Happily Ever After

The very thought of you had me playing Disney themed romance scenes in my mind.
Happily ever afters.
Turned into nothing but disasters.
You shed your Prince Charming role.
With it my trust you stole.
First had me feeling like a princess.
Now the shit you put me through is senseless.
Exaggerated feelings that never existed.
If only your actions could've been consistent.
Lust mistaken for love.
A false partnership I never dreamed of.
Lies upon lies.
From that I grew to despise.
Once upon a time you hand me in the palm of you hand.
Later to reveal you lack what it takes to be a man.
Sadly in my heart you still remain.
But I know that it's all in vain.
There are no fairy tales with you in the end.
I know now that it was all pretend.
My prince charming does exist.
He'll be genuine and your lies will not be missed.
I won't let you shake my belief in happily ever after.
One day I'll find that man that shows me I truly matter.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, You Can’t Take My Happily Ever After 2017©

Tragic Crush Tales: #10 Part Deux

When will I ever learn that some people are not meant to make a reentry into your life? I learned that again for the millionth time recently. Let’s recap on the first part of E’s shenanigans. He was a guy I met on social media at the end of 2015. He was in and out of my life until about August of 2016 when I realized the reason he was in and out of my life was because there was another woman. That’s pretty much the whole gist. He’d play victim and tried to blame me for his betrayal, but the conclusion of it at is that he was dishonest.
        We fast forward to about April of this year. I’m in the car and I get a text message. It wasn’t from a saved number, but it said “I’m in your neck of the woods.” Now I was kind of freaked out at first because who just randomly texts a stranger that? Then I noticed that I had previous texts from this number and realized it was E again. I never deleted his old messages, because I never get rid of receipts. Against better judgement I…

The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: But Where Is He?

I’m at an age where I want to find my forever mate. Honestly, I have been at that age for years now, but I guess it hasn’t been in the cards for me just yet. I have no time to invest in a person only to hit a dead end. I am not a finished product nor do I want my partner to be, but I do want a person who is willing to grow. I want a perfect kind of love, in my eyes.
        I want the kind of love where we can both own up to our faults and talk them out. No storming off in a huff. No harsh words in order to win an argument. I want someone who I can genuinely sit down with, talk out, and solve a problem like grown people are supposed to. I want a partner who will make me laugh more than cry. Life is tough enough. Home and your loved ones should be your shelter from the storm. I want a love with a solid foundation of support. I want to support my partner in any dream they have because the ultimate goal I have is for them to be happy and I’d hope they’d want the same…

The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: When Will We Reclaim Our Crowns?

I am an African American woman. I take pride in that. I take pride in my culture, our heroes, those who sacrificed, our journey so far, my melanin, and my uniqueness. It does comes with it’s burdens, which are quite obvious and anyone can that see when tuned to any news channel, but I’m still proud. There are some things that do not make me proud. It is the epidemic of our kings and queens shedding their crowns and following in the path of darkness.
        I work in a pretty down and out part of town. I wouldn’t say it’s a horrible part of town, but it is most definitely the hood. Day in and day out I see many black men and women come in several times a day to buy numerous amounts of alcohol. Occasionally you can look into the parking lot and see drug deals go down and people getting high in their cars, and it all just leaves me dumbfounded. Although, none of this affects me personally I still take it personal. Why does no one see a problem with this? Why do ne…
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"Sunshine Self", 2017(c) Photo: Asia Aneka Anderson #InsideMyCreativeMind IG: Asia_Aneka_Writes

Yes/No

My heart was yours to keep.
Turns out my love you didn’t want.
So many yes’s turned to no’s.
So many smiles turned to tears.
Excuses became the norm.
Heartbreak, again my home.
My trust I still tried to keep.
Wanting my faith in you to last.
You placed your insecurities on me.
All the while expanding mine.
You stood emotionless watching regret sting my eyes.
Tears of what I knew would happen.
I only wanted us to be great.
You wanted to be right.
So many no’s turn to silence.
Excuses that just turn to bullshit.
But my heart still beats of hope.
I shared my body and many a longing gaze.
Destined to be one with you.
Fear interrupted.
All that silence turned into accusations.
All the bullshit that just got deeper.
If you clear away the hurt.
If you push aside the bullshit.
You’ll see the vulnerability of my heart.
It is pure.
This feeling is true.
We get to the yes’s.
We dismiss the no’s.
Hang all excuses out to dry.
Trust in us.
Keep my heart.
A heart that’s still full of hope with you.

The Story Of The Woman And The Fuckboy: A Twitter Tale

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                      Fin.

               -Asia Aneka Anderson, The Story Of The Woman And The Fuck Boy: A Twitter Tale 2017©

Live Your Life

They say that time waits for no one,
But some of us just sit and watch the clock.
Mesmerized by the tic and the tock.
They say that time heals all wounds,
But some pains can last a lifetime.
Life is too short,
But the day is long.
People come and go.
Memories fade or sting.
We sit still as time goes by.
Caught up in the never ending cycle of life.
Too busy existing to live.
Still time flies.
Wounds fade from view.
Life goes on. - Asia Aneka Anderson, Live Your Life 2017©

The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: Learning To Love Myself

I’ve finally started back going to therapy. It certainly has been a while. Years in fact. I’m hoping this time I can finally get my life on track and my thoughts clear. My first assignment was to watch a YouTube video of a speaker named Kristen Neff. She’s speaking about self-compassion at a Ted Talk. Self-Compassion is something that I’ve lacked for a very long time. I’m not ever sure when it stopped or if I even had compassion for myself ever.
       I’m often so hard on myself. My biggest obstacle is feeling like I haven’t accomplished all the things I feel a 30 something should have. I don’t have a degree. I’m back living at home. I don’t have a steady “career”, instead I’m stuck in a part time job. I’m not married nor even in a relationship and haven’t been for years. I have no children. I have no accolades. I feel like a failure. My accomplishments seem far and few in between.
       Kristen speaks on how we as people always have kind words of advice to friends but nev…

The Game Is Over

Your words so cold.
Yet don’t cut deep.
You thought they had an effect on me.
For I am not shook.
Games you said you didn’t play.
But your number is on the leaderboard.
You failed to see my score is higher than yours.
At these games I am a pro.
For you are not the first one.
String me along while I lead you further.
This is a two player game.
You pressed start a little too late.
Although this is a game we play.
I go into each round optimistic.
Instead of opponents we become teammates.
Crushing whatever boss comes at us.
But you’re against me which makes me against you.
To the next level we go.
Losing rings.
Slipping on banana peels.
Dodging tossed barrels and colorful ghosts.
Waiting for the inevitable “Finish Him”.
These games are no fun when you’re pitted against each other.
The rematches grow tiresome.
We search our stash for the cartridge of “Us Against The World”.
Somehow I keep finding copies of “You Against Me”.
A partnership full of the wrong X’s and O’s.
A glitch that never …

I Am Me

I am my skin.
I cannot hide this melanin.
I am my hair.
Every kink and every curl.
I am my big lips and big nose.
And every feature they imitate.
I am rhythm.
And the blues that comes with it.
I am our suffering.
And the inevitable success.
I am my mother and my father.
And every ancestors blood runs through my veins.
I am unique.
I am me.
There is none other.
No one empowered quite like me.
Unbreakable like me.
Black like me.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, I Am Me, 2017©

I Think I Can

I don’t know why I find it so hard to write. This once was my only love. I could sit down and write an entire story in a matter of hours. The words would flow so perfectly and easily. I was so confident in my ability to tell a story. It didn’t matter how serious or silly the subject. It all came so easy. I felt like I was a natural. No, my grammar is not perfect and in a rush my spelling would surely be off too, but none of that mattered to be because I WAS a natural. Now when I write it’s like learning a new language. You retain the basics, but you can’t fully grasp the entire understanding of whatever the hell it is you’re talking about. I’m easily distracted. I all too easily doubt myself. It’s very crippling. Losing motivation in the thing I loved most is like not being able to breathe. I haven’t been able to breathe for a long time. At times I can catch my breath and everything seems fine and brand new then all of a sudden something knocks the wind out of me…