The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: But Where Is He?

        I’m at an age where I want to find my forever mate. Honestly, I have been at that age for years now, but I guess it hasn’t been in the cards for me just yet. I have no time to invest in a person only to hit a dead end. I am not a finished product nor do I want my partner to be, but I do want a person who is willing to grow. I want a perfect kind of love, in my eyes.
        I want the kind of love where we can both own up to our faults and talk them out. No storming off in a huff. No harsh words in order to win an argument. I want someone who I can genuinely sit down with, talk out, and solve a problem like grown people are supposed to. I want a partner who will make me laugh more than cry. Life is tough enough. Home and your loved ones should be your shelter from the storm. I want a love with a solid foundation of support. I want to support my partner in any dream they have because the ultimate goal I have is for them to be happy and I’d hope they’d want the same for me. I want a love I can trust. I will admit that I have been hurt so much in the past that it is extremely hard for me to trust in another human being, but I do want to believe that trust is something that can and will happen. All I want is honesty because that is something I can give 100% and deserve it right back. I want a love where we’re not making each other pay for past partner’s mistakes. I should not be fixing a broken heart that I did not break. The only thing I can do is prove that I’m not like the rest and stand out above all. I need a partner who I can have deep conversations with. I’m not one for small talk. Random conversations about life, love, interests, and the like are what inspire me. I want a partner that I can share things with. I want to be able to share the things that make me happy whether it be to go to a show to see my favorite band, going to see their favorite speaker, just being able to see the joy in my partner’s eyes as they get to let go and immerse themselves in something that they or I love. I want to be a part of that. I want a love that is goofy. I love to laugh. I love to make people laugh. I love to take a persons pain away by making them smile. I live off of laughter. I also need a love that is serious. I need a partner to understand when I need space, or comfort, or advice. I need a love that is patient. I battle depression and anxiety and know I’m not the easiest person to deal with. I need a person who will take their time. One that will show me empathy. I want a love where the emotional is just as explosive as the physical. I need to get off more than sexually. I need to connect to another person’s mind and feed off of their conversation. I need a partner that pays no mind to man made timelines. If we fall in love by month three or year three it shouldn’t matter. It should all flow naturally. No, “We have to wait until x, y, z time has passed and such and such milestones have been hit.” I once fell in love with a man on the first date and that was the longest relationship I’ve ever had. Love has no schedule. I want a partner who will always want what’s best for me. If they know I deserve a promotion at work, give me that pep talk. If they see I’m discouraged about my weight loss then pull up some meal plans. Be my biggest cheerleader because I sure as hell will be that for you. I want a love that is real. Real love is messy, it’s tough, and it’s exhausting, but if it’s worth it then it is the most beautiful thing on the planet. In my eyes this is what’s perfect.  I deserve this. I deserve to be loved as hard as I love. The only thing I’m waiting for is someone worthy of it.

- Asia Aneka Anderson, 2017©

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